2019 I was doing great with my weight. I was hovering around 150 which was comfortable. I should really be closer to 135-140, but never really got there. I was walking 4-5 days per week at lunch going at least 2 miles/day at a brisk pace. I was also eating well and just taking good care of myself overall.
Feb 2020 - I finally opened up to my Primary Care Dr. that I had anxiety and depression (something that I was dealing with since my teens). She had me take a quiz and said I failed miserably, like really bad. NOT suicidal, but basically everything else. So I was put on a medication called Lexapro. I was also referred to a therapist which couldn't see me until April, but I decided to keep the appointment even though I wasn't sure how I would feel about opening up to a stranger.
March 2020 - COVID - all hell broke loose - my routine was broken - fear of death was constant - talk about anxiety!!! I didn't work for a couple weeks, stayed home with Jacob while Jamie was still going to work.
April 2020 - Finally meet with my therapist - over zoom - which was weird, but productive, even though I was a snotty, crying mess of a person. My doctor then increased my meds. I was getting back to work, but didn't stay all day if there wasn't lab work to be done to keep distance from people. I was no longer walking at lunchtime. I was also not eating healthy - sweets have always been my crutch during depression/anxiety.
May-July 2020 - the meds seemed to be working for my anxiety/depression. I still wasn't back to any routine for my daily walks and again food was just whatever I wanted, not really healthy, but I felt okay.
August 2020 - my Mom has breast cancer - WTF - really?!? This was a shocker and just devastating for our family. My Mom had just turned 70, high risk for COVID and now will have to be on Chemo? Talk about a blow to the gut.
Sept - Dec 2020 - Mom starts Chemo/Radiation/Surgery for cancer. She is double masked in the car when I drive her to appointments. I am handling it as well as I can. Therapy was a godsend during all of this! (My Mom did great and she's been cancer free since all of this happened).
January 2021 - I tell my Dr that I have to try something else. The Lexapro made me feel good, but I was having the worst night sweats - completely drenching my clothes at night. Checked for peri-menopause, but nope, not that. So switched to Paxil...
Feb 2021 - Told my therapist that I liked the Paxil, it gave me the feeling of letting everything kinda roll off my back. She told me to keep an eye on that as it could swing too far.
Mar - Sept 2021 - Paxil was making me not care about anything, but it didn't bother me. Quite the double edge sword. My weight kept creeping up, but I didn't care. I couldn't fit into my clothes, that's okay, I'll just buy bigger clothes. Money was a huge anxiety trigger for me, but not on Paxil.
Oct-Dec 2021 - I was no longer motivated... at... all... I would lay on the couch, not interested in doing anything. I didn't want to go outside, I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to see friends. It took every ounce of energy to do the minimum. I knew this was bad, but again, Paxil didn't make me care. I didn't even decorate for Christmas, just the pre-lit tree - no ornaments.
My weight was awful - up to 180 pounds! But again, Paxil didn't make me care.
January 2022 - I told my therapist that this was bad and she referred me to a Prescriber, someone that would help me sort out my meds. Unfortunately, it would take until April to speak with her.
April 2022 - get off Paxil and start Viibryd. Easier said than done. Paxil was soooo difficult to get out of my system. It took me 2 months to wean off. I would get down to 5mg/day and start getting severe vertigo symptoms, so I would go back up to 10mg, for another week, then down to 5mg, for 3 weeks, then finally off.
June-Aug 2022 - Viibryd was better, I was finally ready to get back to life. But my unhealthy eating habits and lack of motivation made it so difficult to re-train myself on how to be healthy. My weight in August was 186 pounds... It was so depressing...
Aug 2022 - Kelly needs a kidney - I can donate mine. I went to UW-Health to see if I could be a candidate as a living kidney donor. I knew my weight would be an issue, but they said it was okay, just don't gain anymore, but better yet, lose some weight. I went through the gamut for tests and turns out I have a kidney worth donating - but two things - I need to lose weight and take iron supplements to get my anemia in check.
November 2022 - finally found out that my anemia was gone and my weight was down to 178, not great, but better. Unfortunately I was not a match for Kelly and would not be able to give her a direct donation. (Luckily though, she had another person in her circle that was a good match, but in the end did an indirect donation and Kelly got her kidney last month!!)
December-March 2023 - I was feeling okay, but not motivated as much as I would like to be. Decided to talk to my prescriber about changing my dose. So in March I went up from 10mg to 20mg. Within a week I was scratching my body all over - not a good sign. I went back down to 10mg.
April 2023 - told my prescriber I'd like to try going off all medication. It's been 3 years and I feel it is time to see my old self. Will I be the same or have I learned enough about myself to fight back the anxiety and depression???
May 6, 2023 - first day without any meds.
Current weight - 178
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